Forgiveness: A Visual
Several weeks back, I posted about the wrong way to cultivate your heart. In it, I mentioned the work of forgiveness that my Father walked me through, and today, I will share that process with you. I say process, because that is what it was for me at the time. An admission: I have never heard forgiveness adequately taught by a Bible teacher or preached by a pastor. However, I have done a lot of reading, a lot of praying, and have attempted to have conversations about forgiveness. And yes, I have had a lot of practice. This process I am writing about came from a book I read many, many years ago, but I have no idea the author or the title. If you happen to find it, let me know so that I can properly attribute credit for this helpful aid in forgiveness. What follows is the development and synthesis of my own experience, and while it may seem like mental gymnastics, this is my way of taking my thoughts captive, and making them obey Jesus. I haven’t found any other example or tool that helps me as much as this one in preventing me from holding a grudge or living in unforgiveness.
I think there are some misconceptions about forgiveness, and so I used to feel like a failure whenever the topic of forgiveness came up. People would say things like, “Forgive and forget,” “Let it go,” “Extend grace,”, or “Have mercy.” These sayings sound wonderful, and may be based in Biblical teachings, but they didn’t do much to help me in the very real struggle of holding a grudge, or moving past an occurrence of when I had been sinned against. I could always call up the exact memory of the wrongdoing, and thus felt like I hadn’t forgiven the person at all. That memory was often accompanied by the original feelings, and over time, new feelings would sometimes be overlaid on the experience. The problem was: I was counting on my feelings and my lack of remembering as the “proof” of forgiveness; so the cycle continued. This is where my Father started reteaching me. In His Word, He showed me that while He removes sin from me, and while He chooses not to remember my sin, He doesn’t actually forget it. God is God. If He forgot anything, He would cease to be Himself. This showed me that He actually chooses to not remember, putting forgiveness in the realm of the will. Since His forgiveness is an act of His will, then He will equip me with His will to obey. Also, to address my finicky feelings: they are often an indicator that there is something within me crying for attention, and so I have learned to pay attention to my feelings, but these emotions don’t get to dictate to me objective facts or absolute truth. That is why this forgiveness visual is so effective for me. It basically serves as a new memory of forgiveness, and my mind can come back to this place and revisit the moment of forgiveness, instead of going back to revisit the original wrongdoing. All of this process occurs in my own imagination, and only addresses my attitude toward another person. This is effective in making me ready for a real-life conversation with the person who has sinned against me.
This visual takes place in my imagination. I imagine first of all, the person who has sinned against me. This is important, because forgiveness is about sin, not hurt feelings. If I have hurt feelings, but there is no sin evident from the other person, I really need to get with my Father so He can address my sensitivity. If the other person has simply disappointed me by being human, I will often continue with a different illustration in my mind. I’ll write another article for that avenue of thought. I have had times in my life where I have become easily offended and highly sensitive, and really the problem is not “out there”, it is in me. However, if I am able to name the sin in the other person, I serve them with a subpoena. This is a summons for them to appear in court. I am taking them to “Forgiveness Court,” and they must appear. They have no choice; I mean, it’s my imagination.
Now, I prepare my case. I am the plaintiff in this case, because I am bringing the legal action against the other person. My case against them states the sin(s) and the effects of their sin(s) on me. I will present my case to the Judge. On trial day, my offender is there as the defendant. I will use as much imagination here as I need to. I can imagine my offender there in the courtroom listening to the charges against them. The whole point of this imagined trial is to be realistic. I am basically creating a new memory in place of the wrongdoing. I say the things I wish I could say to the person’s face. I am at a hearing, and I want to ‘win’ my case. Sometimes this is an emotional place. Sin hurts. It can cause huge amounts of destruction and woundedness in our lives. I take my time here, until all of my complaints and charges against the other person are exhausted.
Now hold.
Who is my Attorney?
Who is the Judge?
And here is where the courtroom drama seems to take on another dimension for me. It’s a stacked case. The Judge is my Father. My Attorney, my Advocate, is His Son and my brother! I am sure to ‘win’!
But wait…
What in the world am I ‘winning’? What I didn’t see creep into the courtroom with me was the furry little grudge. His life depends on the outcome of this case. If this grudge is allowed to live…well, you know what happens.
When I am finished presenting my case, I find that my Father, the Judge, agrees with my assessment of the other person’s sin. Because my complaint against the defendant is accepted by the judge, they are guilty. And they are punishable by death. And now, my Attorney locks eyes with me. In this moment, I realize I have a choice. I remember that I have also committed sin punishable by death. My Accuser is Satan, and he has had me in this courtroom numerous time. However, Jesus has taken my sin and stood in my place to die instead. I have confessed and repented of those sins, and placed them under the blood of Christ, my Attorney. Is His forgiveness enough for me? Since I have been forgiven in this way, what about the defendant? Am I able to say that they are also worthy to have their sins come under the blood of Christ? Can His forgiveness be enough for them? (NEVERMIND if the defendant is requesting forgiveness at this point, or even a Christian.) I must overcome my own dilemma and pride of receiving forgiveness at the cost of Christ’s death on the cross and then considering the possibility of withholding forgiveness from a fellow human being because I am petty, forgetful, weak and want to ‘win’ at being right! There is ultimately no winning where sin and unforgiveness is involved. If I choose to continue in holding a grudge or not forgiving, I am placing myself in prison, and choosing bondage without mercy.
Listen: I must agree with my Attorney. Scripture demands it. I am to forgive as I have been forgiven. Up to seventy times seven times. So, I take my beautiful file of carefully constructed arguments of guilt and condemnation against the defendant, and I hand it to my Attorney for Him to deliver to His Father, the Judge. Together, they agree on the verdict, because of my agreement with Their teachings. My Advocate lifts His nail-scarred hand, and places it on the front of my file and a red stamp appears there: FORGIVEN. He then hands that file back to me and I place it in a file cabinet in my mind. From that point forward, the case is closed. To further close the case, I take the defendant to the Judge’s bench and tell my Father, the Judge that I am giving Him this person to Him for His care and judgment. Now, whenever my feelings rock me, or I remember the wrongdoing, I go to the file cabinet, remove the folder, and see the stamp that was placed there. There is no need for me to reopen the file, or remember the original incident further; it is finished. While I am holding the file, I offer a prayer to my Father, usually thanking Him for my own forgiveness, the provision of His Son, and the ministry of His Spirit. I also pray for the other person.
Confession time: I have entered the ‘court of forgiveness’ before I was ready to forgive and release the defendant, and I have found grace in the place of my weakness. Often, I am just tired of feeling hurt, upset or offended, and want to close the case, so I enter the courtroom just to get it over with. Through time, however, I have come to believe that forgiveness is the capstone of grief. The grief process varies in time, intensity, stages and closure. When Jesus locks eyes with me, asking me to agree with Him in the verdict of “Forgiven”, there are times I have simply cried and hated my own pettiness. This is always met with grace, and a gentle call to come back to walk in the Spirit. My Advocate, Jesus, is the same yesterday, today and forever, and He will in no way cast me out. Together, we continue to work our way through my grief, and I can feel Him beckon me back to ‘court’ when He has brought me to the place where I am ready to forgive. This view of forgiveness as a capstone to grief helps me explain all the complex emotions that accompany sin and the wrongdoing against me. It really does occur as a process, since I am usually dealing with disappointment, death of an expectation or a roadblock in a relationship. There are also times, since I have been in this court so often, that I agree with the verdict of “Forgiven” out of faith. It is small faith, but it defies my feelings and stands on the rock of truth. Either way, the releasing of the defendant to my Father Judge works for my healing and good. My feelings begin to follow the truth, and I am able to identify more readily and completely with my Servant Savior. Whenever I question myself or the enemy tells me I haven’t really forgiven, I am able to remember this ‘courtroom trial’ and go to the file cabinet to look at the folder stamped “Forgiven”.
Another dilemma will sometimes arise for me. It seems like there are layers to forgiveness, and something new will be revealed about the original wrongdoing or I will experience fall-out from the original sin. I simply process these new discoveries as part of the same court case. I add to the front of the file, like an addendum, these new sins or effects and then I choose again to be done. I struggle sometimes with putting sin into words, and when the Father provides clarity for me, I realize I must amend some of the information in my mind. However, this is more for my own healing than the necessity of an entirely new case against the defendant.
Here is where I want to grow as a Christ-following disciple. So far, everything in this article has happened in my imagination. I would call this imaginary courtroom the gateway to an attitude of forgiveness. In this example, I have experienced hurt at the hands of someone else, and in my own imagination, I act out the truth of what happens in my Christ-life. After this ‘trial’ there is no call for me to go to the other person and let the know I have forgiven them. I should go to others and ask for my own forgiveness by confessing and repenting of my sin, and others should come to me to ask forgiveness. Forgiveness has a transaction facet to it, in that the one who sins confesses, repents and asks for forgiveness. However, only rarely have I been approached in real life and asked by an actual flesh-and-blood person to extend forgiveness. If I were to always wait for the other person to ask for forgiveness, before I could forgive, I would be in knots and bondage without the “Forgiveness Court” in my imagination. I am not letting the person slide, I am simply putting my spirit in agreement with the truth of the Word to forgive others, by entrusting them to my Father’s perfect judgment. It is shocking to me that we are so passive with one another in our sin. We don’t even use the language of forgiveness with one another. Among many of my brothers and sisters, we offer a half-hearted “Sorry” and then receive a mumbled “That’s okay” and we think we’ve acted according to Jesus’s heart and His Word. Precious reader, isn’t there a better way? I want to grow to be the one to realize my own sin, and approach the other person to ask for forgiveness. This is ultimately the way of God. We ask and He gives.
What are your thoughts? How do process and practice forgiveness toward others? Leave a comment below.
FORGIVENESS IS THE ABILITY TO CONTINUE IN UNBROKEN INTIMATE FELLOWSHIP WITH OTHERS DESPITE THE HURT, THE PAIN, THE SORROW, THE BITTERNESS…ALL THE ATTRIBUTES THAT COME FROM BEING HUMAN BEINGS. AND THERE IT IS – WE ARE NOT CAPABLE OF THIS FORGIVENESS – THIS FORGIVENESS EVEN IN REMEMBERING BRINGS FORTH NO LINGERING HURT, OR ANGER, OR BITTERNESS…EVEN NO BAD FEELINGS – IN REMEMBERING YOU ONLY THINK OF LOVE – THAT FIRST LOVE YOU EXPRESSED TO THE OTHER PERSON BEFORE THEY DID NOT BEHAVE OR SAY THE THINGS YOU THINK THEY SHOULD. THIS IS GOD LEVEL FORGIVENESS – THIS IS CALVARY FORGIVENESS AND SINCE WE CANNOT FORGIVE LIKE THIS – WE SHOULD BE IN A STATE OF CONTINUAL MERCY, GRACE, AND LOVE FOR EACH OTHER – KNOWING HOW WE HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN AND ARE EXPECTED TO DO THE SAME…THERE IT IS AGAIN – WE NEED TO REPENT CONSTANTLY. NOTICE THE WE…IT TAKES ALL CHRISTIANS TO MAKE THIS WORK WHEREAS THE FATHER AND SON AND SPIRIT ARE HONORED AND GLORIFIED.
I agree that “we” are rarely given the opportunity to practice true forgiveness. I have seen it to be very lopsided in my own life…I am willing to ask forgiveness, but the other person is not able, ready or willing to grant it. I’ve been cold-shouldered, and given the silent treatment, even out-right rejected. However, I have seen the miracle of Calvary forgiveness in my own life, and know that my Father is full of grace and mercy, and He is faithful, even when I am not. His forgiveness has flowed through me, in me and over me for my own receiving, but also to have this attitude toward others. It is when I am most aware of Him and less aware of my own behavior or feelings that His forgiveness is most powerful. I believe the way of forgiveness continues to be taught, matured and perfected through our walk with Him. It is Jesus in me, and His life lived out of me that makes the impossible possible. Absolute miracles. It is my hope that this visual would be a starting place for the mercy, grace and love to be applied to our hurts from sin, especially as it cost the Judge His Son’s life for me to approach His throne and call Him Father. What a humbling realization.