I thought wrong

Interesting fact: March 21 will be a year since I’ve been writing for myself in a public space. This writing has been an exercise of trust and obedience with my Father. I don’t have a great planning system, or a long stretch of finished posts ready to go. I have felt like I am scratching and clawing at my brain sometimes to get thoughts in order, edit them and then hit the publish button. I fall down rabbit holes looking for pictures. Then, I have times of second-guessing and wondering. While I have very few concrete goals attached to this venture, publishing 2 articles a week keeps me challenged but not overwhelmed. All of this has been an adventure with my Father.

This week, every time my fingers rested on the keyboard, no words would come. I am so used to waiting until the last minute, it didn’t bother me, until Friday night arrived, and I still had nothing. My first instinct was to take ownership of the problem, like it was mine and something I could control. Thankfully, the Spirit intervened, and directed my self-enclosed conversation to the One who could help. Talking with my Father, it was apparent I needed to “get up early” Saturday morning (to write). This is where I thought wrong. The words in parentheses are mine. His stopped at get up early. He was not so much interested in me meeting my goal that He helped craft. He wanted to meet me.

It is early. I drink delicious and flavorful hot coffee. Low instrumental music plays. My thoughts on Him, in Him, toward Him, for Him. Yes, I had a goal and expectation, and it may have been my initial motivation. However, in the midst of the quiet morning, my motivation changed, and I become aware of His Presence. He leads me through the Scripture, He gives me pictures and assurances. He welcomes and calms. He stimulates my imagination. When I become aware of the shift, I laugh, and that leads me on a further expedition of His grace. What abundant treasures await!

Instead of first accomplishing my goal, He walks me through all the unsettled places of my soul. The places in my brain where I am distracted, He asks for those. Prayers for family so far away, for friends who have lost loved ones, for a sister-friend who is carrying the weight of the world. Tears for the ones who are struggling, blind or feel forgotten. All those intrusive thoughts in my brain aren’t treated as intruders by my Father. He welcomes these as the cares and anxieties of His beloved daughter. And where did all those big feelings come from this week? Is there something we need to work out? Oh! The connections He made this week between the Scriptures and books I have been reading, we explore those thoughts as well. What are the practical, life-changing implications of the truth He illuminated? Praise and rejoicing and thanksgiving take shape and spill from my mouth. Now onto some schooling questions I have. Should we shift our focus, add more, or remove subjects? He and I have a planning session about that, too. He’s so very kind and wise. All the while, the music plays, the time passes, and I sip coffee.

I am glad I thought wrong. My Father knew when He was forming me (so long ago) what would motivate me, and rather than root it out like a piece of evil trash, He utilizes His creation to beckon and pursue and nurture me. I am one whom His hands have made. He does not despise His creation. He takes the time, very early on a Saturday morning, to make sure I am aware of Him, His Presence, His Provision and His Power. As my thoughts slow, and every breath becomes an evidence of His faithfulness, He shows me what to write. I write for myself and for Him, and I know there are those who will take the time to read. Precious reader, He wants to meet you. Will you allow yourself to trust Him enough to answer His call? You don’t have to examine your motives, scrutinize your feelings or sanitize your thoughts. He wants to walk with you through all of those places. It will become the adventure of your lifetime, as He delights to be with you, however and wherever you are.