Unexpected reminder
I have been reading through the book of Job in the last month, and I may have read Job’s friends’ speeches with a bit more anger in my tone this time around. I just keep thinking, with friends like these who needs enemies? I find bits and pieces of the truth in their monologues, and feel really sorry for Job. He’s falling to pieces, with nothing left of his honor, privilege, health or previously known life of luxury, and his friends turn up to badger him with their ideas of why he’s sitting in ashes (childless, poor, sick and alone) and their absolute certainty that he’s guilty of sin. They wax eloquent and combine truth with fiction and accuse he and God with some straight up lies. It’s awful, really. And yet, I’ve known people who act and believe this way. They only know enough about the Bible and the Lord revealed within to form a ghostly, anemic, warped image of the real and sovereign God, and they spew their ignorance on anyone who will come close.
I’ve also foolishly been that person. In my own quest for truth and what’s right, I’ve reduced the very great and living Word into a checklist, a formula and then walloped people over the head with it. I’ve found that without relationship with the Word, I can distill the principles contained within and completely leave the heart out of them. This makes me a hollow shell of a person, without the depth and strength of wholeness and love. My interpretations of life become lopsided and lose the nuance and vitality of real Life. Recently, when I find myself looking for the tried-and-true formula to solve the dilemma I’m facing, I am learning to stop my pursuit of the solution and lean into the Everlasting Arms of the Solver. He has clearly provided a way through, or around, or under or beyond, but it takes talking with Him, listening to Him and waiting on Him to find the specifics for what I face.
I don’t say any of this to even hint at the idea that I’ve arrived. I am simply allowing a glimpse into my particular struggle. If I was given the formula for the solution, I wouldn’t give my Father a second thought. I’d be set up to solve, solve, solve rather than further the relationship that sustains my life. As for my particular version of flesh, I loathe the ambiguity I am currently facing. Give me the roadmap, the time frame, and the first few steps to accomplish. Then, I’ll be just fine. Except it will all be playing to my strengths and capabilities, and in the Kingdom, that’s a fail. Either I walk in the Spirit of Christ, or I’m wrong. This walking in the Spirit can sometimes feel like a haggard stumbling, or a halting, limping slog. This walk exposes my weaknesses and makes me question the things I thought I knew. It’s uncertain and foggy on this path sometimes.
I’ve been in this foggy patch for a bit. Nothing really to ‘do’ these days. The days are ordinary and unremarkable, and really, they’re fine. I can’t help but wonder if I’m missing something, but I realize all these days are serving a purpose, and so I just float from task to task, and remind myself to see and enjoy the people around me at any given time. In reading, I realize my imagination has laid dormant the past few years. Actually, it’s been immobilized. The Father awakened a memory while I was reading the book of Job, and caused me to laugh a good belly laugh, where a few tears leaked from my eyes. You see, I had forgotten that my life verse is in Job. I took a quiz1 several years ago, and this verse was determined to be a good fit. It’s not like some of the others you hear. Definitely not sappy, cheerful or optimistic. Just good, hard truth. It’s from 21:3: “Bear with me, and I will speak, and after I have spoken, mock on.” I laughed this time when I read it, because this is more of a life verse than I can stand right now. In addition to Job, I’ve been reading in John, and it’s as Jesus finishes talking that the Jewish leaders do indeed mock on. Do they really not recognize or understand the truth any longer? Has fear and jealousy done such a complete job on the religious leaders that they can only vie for wittiest retort among themselves? Have I seen this attitude among religious people today? You bet.
I sit with my Father and laugh. Absolutely, a humorous take on a life verse, and yet so much truth contained in those words. A truth that could cause me great heartache and further trauma is unquestionably a real experience in the life of my Savior, Jesus. I’m not just experiencing random, hurtful things for the sake of being an example or learning a lesson. In every experience, I’m being driven further into the holy and perfect life of Christ. It’s beautiful really. The things meant to crush, are the very things that bring me His comfort, and then allow me to dispense His comfort to others. I know this because the Bible tells me so. I am realizing that I don’t even have to despise the hard things anymore. This doesn’t mean that lament and grief are unnecessary or frivolous. It does mean that I can simply choose to count it all joy, in the midst of the uncomfortable night of mourning. Whether an enemy is indeed mocking, or my plans simply aren’t coming together, I don’t have to waste my energy on being sour, or trying to protect myself. I tell myself that I have a constant Companion and morning is coming. With the dawn, I am promised new mercies.
Laugh with me, precious reader. Sometimes, our lives fall apart. Awful and terrible trials come our way. And yet, we know who holds the earth, all that is in it and us. We can experience the desolation of rejection, a change of economic status, the stripping of our health or the destruction of relationships and without a doubt simply know that we are in good company. We are not the first to have walked this path, and we won’t be the last. We are enabled and empowered to make the choice to receive and distribute comfort. Not at all like a formula, with exactly 4 steps each time, but as relational, love-filled vessels that offer a soothing drink from the wellspring of Life within. As I am tempted to commiserate with the enemies of my soul, I choose instead to embrace the truth. This foggy and apparently ambiguous path leads further in. When we search the Word of God Himself, we will find just the words to encourage us, no matter what life may bring. It may be that He intends us to laugh at ourselves and the predicament in which we find ourselves, knowing we can trust Him as He holds tomorrow. Laughter may take a while to bubble to the surface, especially in the darkest night, but it will come.
I challenge myself as the laughter dies away. I will determine to capture the heart behind the Word, while pursuing, asking, listening and thinking; believing He wants to answer and reward those who seek Him. No more soapboxes, high horses, empty platitudes or silly bandages made of fragments of the truth or my opinion, but eternal, healing medicine offered to those who sit in the ashes of this life, hurting. I won’t pretend to understand it all, nor lecture them about their perceived wrongdoings or hidden transgressions. Comfort. I want to bring them the Comfort of the Person I know. He is all, and He is enough. I long to graciously embody His life, and His healing and offer Him in humility and mercy to the one who needs Him. I see when He has comforted me on my ash-heap, and my imagination can see Him help others through me, too.
Not only fear and jealousy…arrogance and ego. The vision of knowing more…knowing better…than anyone else – this is who they see in the mirror. The religious leaders of these latter days are not Shepherds as in leading a flock of sheep they are Cattle Drivers – driving the sheep. In my mind I picture these pastors sitting on their thrones while being carried on the shoulders of the sheep. Just like you see in the old movies where a ruler comes into town being carried by his subjects. The poles they are carried on are Acacia wood poles because they know so much correct theology.
You mention that the religious leaders today are cattle drivers, and if we are deceived by their authority, then we are not proper sheep, but the calves (veal) raised for them to feed on. Boxed in, immobilized and fed and fed and fed where we eventually can’t even stand on our own feet. I pray we have increased discernment and revelation of truth. May the Spirit do His work.