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Would I know Him?

As I’ve been reading recently, there is a theme being woven into my mind and I can’t escape it, but I can’t fully articulate it, either. The idea that the Messiah was going to have to suffer on this earth eluded the religious leaders, despite the prophecies. Over time, with all of the oppression and governmental opposition, the religious leaders began to allow their own desires and hopes to shape an image in their mind, and then they projected this image to others. They drifted into (or willingly constructed?) an echo chamber where they surrounded themselves with people like them and they all nodded and repeated back to one another the subtle lies, and the tiny twists they had made of the scriptures. When the Voice fell silent for hundreds of years, I noticed that when the Voice re-entered, it was first in the Holy of Holies to a priest, and then, in a home of the Holy, to a girl-child. I am amazed at the contrast between the two people. The priest is muted until the promise of his comes true due to his disbelief, while the girl-child humbly accepts her promise, and exults with His words, recorded for eternity.

Fast forward thousands of years. Here I sit. I have been in a season of discovery and loads of hurt. I have found a quiet sanctuary, and it affords me a place and the space to ponder. What is wrong with our churches today? Why are leaders so hell-bent on protecting their presumed authority, and power? Why is every ambitious person trying to establish their own mini-kingdom and gather a following? Where is the way of the cross in our gatherings? I am constantly shaking my head to be free of the cultural cobwebs that seem to grow overnight as I wash my mind in the Word each day. I pray for a renewed mind, that I may come to internalize and recognize The Kingdom in my life. Just when I feel like I have my feet under me, another wave of reality hits, and I am invited to re-center. This has been an ongoing (and frankly, difficult) struggle.

My hopes, dreams, desires, appetites, wants, fears, and longings are powerful in shaping my mind. The accuser and enemy of mine has had a mission since his first day and that is to steal, kill and destroy. In contrast, Jesus’s life is abundant, and He ultimately came for His own mission to give, resurrect and rebuild. Jesus has won. And yet, in this temporary reality, it’s sometimes difficult to see the eternal truth with my earthly eyes. I see confusion, chaos and conflict that chips away at my certainty and faith. There is a definite struggle happening, and sometimes I feel like I am on the front line. I so desperately want safety and acceptance, courage and victory, respite and relief. This very spot, when these longings come to the front of my mind, is when I am most vulnerable. The enemy knows that those of us who are really walking in the Way are susceptible to religious tyrants who have traded the Life for a lie. I know their slide is a slow and measured descent, because I have walked that path. It is important to have purity of doctrine and clear theology; to know the Bible and develop habits and means of grace in my life…but equally, and most importantly, all of the things must be found in Jesus. Do I know Him more? Love Him better? Listen to Him at all? Or do I check my list, barrel through my day, and further flatten the downtrodden? My precious reader, I find myself on the fringe of these religious gatherings, inching to the gate that leads outside the camp, so that I may sit with Jesus. It is terrifying, electrifying and satisfying all at once.

With my head on a swivel, I have seen the ravenous wolves begin their stalking. My eyes of faith see clearly, I have the mind of Christ and I know where my fear belongs. Jesus has called me into His life, and He has placed that life in me, and it is resplendent with suffering. When I look into His Word, I see it there. All the way back in the Garden, Adam and Eve rejected His authority. And that same rejection happened to Jesus, and the focal point my Father has put my eye on recently is the religious leaders. They were motivated by fear and jealousy, desperate to preserve their power, authority and worldly standing. They incited a crowd to release a murderer and then further pushed the crowd to demand the murder of the innocent Lamb of God. And yet, our all-powerful Father knew what was in man’s hearts and had used them to accomplish His plan. I sit and ask myself if I could have yelled the words, “Crucify Him!” Man-oh-man, yes. That was me. But praise the Father, in His mercy, He offered me the gift of faith and grace and opened my eyes to the truth. All of my sins on the One who was sinless, and for what? My pardon and reconciliation to the Creator of the universe, the Author of life and the King of all kings. I have been created anew and invited into the Family forever.

Inside the camp, it’s rowdy and religious. Lots of rules are present, and like others, I have mistaken uniformity for unity. I longingly look outside the camp, and there is a wild element to it, but more like a celebration. It is bright and free and beautiful. People are free to be themselves within Christ, glorying in the creative and imaginative Father who made them this way. The religious leaders are afraid. They have no control outside the camp. They are jealous, because the rules and regulations that they can enforce to keep their power are exposed as shams and props. These rules are helpless before the love and grace of Jesus. The religious leaders are upset that the people will no longer cower, and stay hopeless. Where the religious leaders have taken all the desires of the people and exploited them in hopes of domination and control, Jesus offers the higher way of deliverance and real healing. I am not at all expecting health, wealth, or good things in this life as proof of my Father’s favor. I am fully aware I have a target on my back. However, as I walk in the Way, the Life and the Truth, I see that I’m walking into the next life: with eternity to enjoy my inheritance.

While observing the religious leaders of my day, I ask myself, “Would I recognize Him?” If Jesus was born today, would I gratefully follow Him around, risking everything to be identified with Him, or would I recoil in fear and jealousy from the One who could deliver so much more than an earthly kingdom? Could I identify with the many who followed Him who had nothing to lose, or would I host and attend secret meetings to create false charges against the Messiah because He didn’t fit my ideas? These questions press in and I bow my head asking the Father to grant the desires of my heart. Make me more like my Savior, Father, and keep me from the self-righteous path of condemnation. He hears my prayers, and grants my desires. Onward, more and more like Jesus.

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4 Comments

  1. Powerful words…the truth is outside the camp…where the cross stands on the hill…where the resurrection of Christ was proclaimed in glory! Why do you seek the living among the dead? Truth seekers must fight hard to bring the truth of the gospel into the camp of religion. The truth was once there and I believe there are more of us than we realize…Lord God help us to see how many have not bent the knee…unite us for the glory and honor of Your Kingdom.

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